Dear Diary
by iwha
Summary: "The pain she had to endure, the pain she had to hide, the mask she had to wear. All for his sake, what's the use of it all, if she is gone?" re-edited.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything.

**A/N:** I re-edited the story. I'd like to thank the following:

Asumi Ayumi - I edited it a little, is it ok? btw thanks for the review! C:

matsuky1407 - I'm glad you liked it! thanks for the review! C:

shadowsaver - Really? I never thought of that. thanks for reviewing! C:

HibariLover11 - You were the first one to review my story. I'm so sorry if I made you cry. D':

Spirit kagome - Thank you for supporting me as always C:

**A/N 2:** I usually don't do this, posting my replies to my reviewers, usually I PM them personally, but I'm lacking time and the internet connection is quite choppy here. TT); I'm sorry if I'm only replying to all your reviews here. TT);

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_Dear Diary-san,_

_I just watched from afar. I can see him with her today. I can see the way he looks at her, the way he blushes, the way he stutters. I'm not blind. I knew it for a very long time. But it still hurt so bad, I want to cry. I can't. Not now. He must not know this. I'll just worry him. I love him too much to actually do something. Sure, they think I'm brazen and confident, but I'm not. It's just a farce. I want him, but I know I can't. I just pretend that everything's the way they were ten years ago and just accept it all. _

_She's his light. I'm just a bystander. A faceless person in the crowd, a fodder to add on his ever growing list of people to protect, I'm not stupid. I can see. I'm not even top priority. I'm just a necessity. An acquaintance; a tiny speck in the vast Vongola Famiglia; Heck, who am I kidding? I'm not really part of it! I'm just someone who he is obligated to protect just because he knows me. I remember telling him I'm going to be a bride. His bride; But I guess, it won't come true now, wouldn't it? I could already feel myself breaking to pieces. Not only because he doesn't love me, but also because I don't really have a place in his world. A place that's not really significant. Ah… I'm crying. I'm so sorry for crying on to you like this, diary-san._

_I try and try but I can never reach him. I tried and tried, but I guess, it won't ever be enough. He's just too bright, too far from my reach. He's like a star. You can see them shining and glowing under that big dark sky, you try and try to reach them but you can't. No matter how hard you try, no matter how high you climb, it's nay impossible. Every day, I can feel that my smiles are becoming more frequent but less and less genuine. Someday, I'll forget what it's like to actually truly smile. Slowly, slowly, I can feel myself drift away. I'm becoming a person I don't know any more. More and more, I'm becoming a shadow. A mere audience in a crowd full of faceless people. A single, insignificant person in a faceless crowd; I think I'm joining them. No, that's not it. I'm becoming part of them. Diary-san I….._

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Tsuna stopped reading. He couldn't believe that Haru felt like this for a very long time. His tears kept on falling down his eyes. He never minded to wipe them neither himself nor the fact that he's soaking Haru's old diary with his tears. He couldn't bear to read anymore. He hugged the tiny notebook that was Haru's as if it was Haru herself.

Reborn, for once, let his former student be. He silently left the young Boss to himself in his own office. Tsuna needed to be alone. Even he can't console his own student. The loss they had was just too great. Haru's gone. She's dead. And Tsuna blamed himself for it. Partially it was his then again, Haru might not say it like that. She'll say that it's hers and hers fault alone. Tsuna never realized it, and now it was too late.

Reborn just stood there outside Tsuna's office. Hearing the young Boss howled in pain, and trashed the room. He lowered his fedora. He knew how Tsuna felt. He also lost someone he never realized was much more important to him than anything else. Once he realized it, it was already too late. She was already gone. Very far from his reach; so he understood the pain, the loss Tsuna felt. No one else can console him. He needs solitude and peace of mind. He doesn't need anyone at this moment. He truly understood.

With these in mind, he silently walked away from there and along the way, he told the guardians not to come near him as of the moment. He needed to be alone for the time being, when he's ready, then they'll console and be there for him. But not now, he needed to be alone. At first the guardians protested, argued that Tsuna is their friend and at times like these, he needs them. But Reborn is firm in his decision, he dared that if anyone ever disturbed Tsuna or come near even the hallway, he'll kill them on the spot, Ally or not. The guardians have no choice but to begrudgingly obey him. They accepted his decision, understood it even, but they can never truly agree to him. Reborn sighed; he hoped that Tsuna'll get over this. But it's just wishful thinking. He is taking it like a grain of sand. He can never get over this. Recover maybe, but to forget he will not.

The young Boss kept on destroying anything and everything that he gets his hands on. 'Why?' he asked himself. 'Why did she have to die?' he turned over his large mahogany desk, sending papers everywhere. 'I thought that she'd be always there. Never leaving him; Never ever;' He threw his porcelain china vase. 'Why did she have to go when I realized that I love her all along? Why?' he kicked and screamed her name as if it would truly bring her back. Back to him; But he knows, he knows it will never be so.

Unbeknown to the young Boss, there is someone watching him across the room. A man in his early to mid twenties, and has the same hair as the young Boss has brown hair, this one is blonde and has orange eyes as if it sees all, at the moment, yes, he does. The man is translucent. He watches from his spot as his successor and descendant destroy the room, kicking and screaming a woman's name. Haru. In Japanese, meant spring; He could see the agony and the pain the young Boss felt. He watched as he was about to throw something the young Boss just randomly grabbed when the object, revealed to be a diary of sorts, from it, a picture was dropped. For a moment the young Boss stopped. He bent down and picked up the photo.

The man doesn't know what that picture is, but what his hyper intuition tells him, that this is a very significant thing. He wants to know what made him stop. But he felt that this is something too personal, too invaluable. And so the translucent man vanished.

Tsuna picked up the photo. It was a photo of him during his middle school. It was a stolen shot. He was smiling there. He looked at the notebook where the photo came from. He flipped it open, and was shock to see its contents. It was Haru's. This tiny notebook held her deepest desires and fears. As he read on and on, he realized how much she loved him all this years. She is not obligated to join his famiglia. She's as free as a bird, you see. But she stayed. For me or for everyone else. But that enthusiasm drains on. As each day passed, she dies and dies more and more each day. She is being poisoned, by none other than Tsuna himself. He unknowingly killed both her spirit and the real her. She felt so insignificant compared to Kyoko-chan. He cried. A Mafia Boss shouldn't cry. But he couldn't help himself.

They can never be now, and never shall it be. Along with her passing, Tsuna's heart died along with hers. It left him as soon as he was informed of her passing. He still loved Vongola. But he can never love someone like how he loved her. Never again; He now understood Daemon's feelings when his beloved Elena died. The person that helped your heart beat, once gone, it can never be the same ever again. He lost his soul, his love, his life.

All he could do now is to fulfill his promise to Primo himself. He slumped to the floor and leaned against one of the turned and one of the slightly more useful furniture. He felt too numb neither to move nor to speak. He may live, the pain may fade, but the regrets and memories will stay. They will forever be etched in his mind, his soul. It is a curse, one that he'll carry for the rest of his life. Love... Ah... Such torturous and traitorous feeling; It is both a blessing and a curse. He now understood. The pain she had to endure, the pain she had to hide, the mask she had to wear. All for his sake, what's the use of it all, if she's gone?

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**A/N:** Again, to those who reviewed, thank you :D


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